General

Hello everyone. I didn't think that I would ever write such a thing, but the situation forces me. I'll be very grateful if someone could help me with advice.

For most of my life, I liked the idea of gaining weight, but I still haven't decided on it. I am strongly turned on by the desire to rub my soft belly, to feel how it sways with every step, to feel how it twitches when jumping and running.
However, all this time I was just thinking and dreaming.

I would like to try to gain 15-20 pounds to see how it will affect my body. However, I am afraid to do this, I am afraid that I will gain more than I need. I am afraid of criticism from family and friends, and from society as a whole. I am afraid that being fat I will not be able to find a partner for a relationship, and I will not be able to get rid of loneliness. But my biggest concern is whether I will be able to return to my normal weight and avoid the yo-yo effect.

There is another complicating factor. My mood is cyclical, and if one day I want to feel my fat belly, the next day I want to see a slim body in the mirror. And again in a circle.

I would like to ask, is it worth trying to gain some weight? Will it be easy to lose 15 pounds after drinking heavy cream every day?

p.s. I admit, it's quite unpleasant to struggle with your desires. Only a couple of months ago I came out of the closet, by the way, it was hard in homophobic Eastern Europe. And now the fight against this fetish...

I apologize for this chaotic night stream of thoughts, I just have no one else to write about it. Thanks for attention. I wish you all good luck.

Thank you very much for such a detailed answer, Ney, it's really nice.

Surprisingly, we are the same age with almost the same weight. We have similar avatars in our profile, and even similar nicknames. And the problem is similar. Even about the haircut you said exactly, I also recently cut my hair short. Before that, I didn't go to the barber for a year and a half... "From looking like a samurai i went to looking like a monk"... Frighteningly accurate. However, this world is interesting.

There is also a question about sports. I have been playing sports for many years, but after finishing school, I moved to another country. I wanted to start doing something new, I started going to the tennis court. And unfortunately, the pandemic and the closure of everything brought down these plans. Gain weight at a time when your friends, on the contrary, go to the gym, eat healthy food and lose weight... It's a little weird.

I have been living alone in a foreign country since I was 17. I didn't even really know the language enough to fully conduct a conversation. It would seem that there is the optimal scenario to gain weight, try and understand how it is. I also like to cook, and I seem to be able to. But on the contrary, it so happened that in a couple of months I lost 7 kilograms. Stress, malnutrition, drinking alcohol and smoking weed have done me harm...

About studying the site and reading the forum. I've been reading it for quite some time. Here, usually people in such situations were advised to gain 5-10 kilograms and see what it is. It sounds good at first glance, but I would like to know the result, whether the person liked it, to find out whether it is worth listening to these tips.

In fact, the question of health also worries me. Even if you gain weight due to subcutaneous fat, it is still an additional load on the heart, on the spine. The risk of diabetes also increases. Such thoughts, along with the fear that I will be ridiculed and judged by those who are dear to me, along with the worry that I will not be able to stop weight gain and will get fat to 150 kilograms (although I think this idea is cool), all this stops me.

Maybe just throw a coin? Let fate decide everything?

That is so common I would say 75% of the members here have felt the same way.
I felt that way in my 20s and didn't know what I wanted.

I know what’s helped me is learning more about the fat acceptance movement and unlearning a lot of the toxic lies our story has told about fat. I think a common thought is that we won’t find someone to love us if we’re fat, despite being the proof that fat is definitely lovable. There’s nothing wrong with it and there never has been, so figuring out your beliefs about fat and which of them are true, if any, can really help with the gaining confidence thing. It’s not the whole equation, but it certainly helped me. I am constantly recommending the podcast Food Psych, in which she breaks down fatphobia and eating disorders from a Health at Every Size perspective, she’s a dietician and there’s a growing movement of dieticians trying to spread the word of HAES. Additionally, I would recommend giving into the fetish, you do not need to repress yourself sexually. There’s nothing wrong with your sexual preferences and there never was. It’s okay to like the things you like, and I would even say a damn important way of expressing your unique self. These are things that helped me, and I hope they can help you too. Good luck!